Self-discipline and moderation
Teaching kids the importance of moderation is one the keys to helping them learn self-discipline; and that we often don’t need as much in our lives as we think. Moderation with food, exercise, speaking, money, time spent online or texting, television, and on an on. The ability to balance self-discipline with some spontaneity is a skill that needs to be taught to young people.
Self-discipline means many things: being able to motivate and manage yourself and your time, being able to control yourself and your temper, being able to control your appetite, etc. Self-discipline and moderation are profound and universal values because their presence helps us and others and their absence inevitably causes short or long term pain.
Creating a personal example regarding the value of discipline and moderation in all areas is a way to model that which parents desire for their adolescents. Example is the main method of learning for children. Make up your mind to control your temper, to save a percentage of your income, to live within your means, to not be a couch potato, to eat moderately and so on. Talk about the successes you have with your kids so they begin to notice that living a life of moderation is a happy and content place to be.
One way to help children appreciate moderation is by teaching them the simple practice of learning to count in their head to slow down their thinking. Helping them create a space for alternative thoughts gives them the abiity to decide whether or not a decision may or may not be in their best interest. Challenge children to count to ten whenever they begin to get angry or frustrated and remind them that it is designed to help them regain control of their thoughts and actions.
Having a family calendar can give children the security and comfort of certain things being predictable in their lives and providing a framework for the discipline needed to accomplish such things. Having a set breakfast or dinnertime at reasonably consistent time periods helps adolescents develop an internal sense of constancy in their life despite all the ambiguity that will come their way in the outside world.
Using the terms discipline and moderation frequently will help children understand them and connect them to everyday behavior. When you pass up a second helping of potatoes, say, “I’m going to use moderation and not eat too much- it will help be feel better. When you notice a child getting his homework done comment on his self-discipline. Make the words the “theme” of your communications and activities for a significant period of time.
Adding motivation to your child’s efforts to discipline himself by setting goals will help him/her feel that these virtues are worthy of reward. Having children set up certain objectives and attaching a reward to the accomplishment of those goals can give parents added opportunities for praise and can make children.
With adolescents, teaching the idea of work before play is really important. Encourage and award kids for looking around to do things to help the family without being asked. It wasn’t that long ago where it was commonplace for boys to wake up alongside their dads and join em from sunrise to sunset on the farm.
A family bank is a great way to help kids see the need for a collaborative effort to accomplish a goal. Giving older kids old checkbooks that they can practice writing in and having them write checks out to themselves whenever they accomplish a task that goes beyond what’s expected is a great way to help kids recognize that money is earned not just given out. Eventually having teens establish their own checking or savings account helps them inch closer to adulthood with some supervision and goals for saving and maintaining responsible finances.
Help kids bank the concept of discipline and moderation to memory by helping them create mantres or short sayings such as, “Mind over mattress” to overcome laziness or to avoid procrastination or “Seize the day” or anything that resonates with them.
Music is often an area of life that gets overlooked in significance. However, research has emerged in recent decades about the calming and nurturing impact it has on the mind and ability to stay focused. This gift can be transcended into all areas of life when problem-solving or trying to manage emotions during times of distress.
Teach your children how to set and reach goals. Kids often express their desire to become famous or to travel to expensive lands as the adult world smirks and sarcastically grins how it’s a great idea if you save your money. They don’t really believe it attainable but why not? Often the difference between a dream and a goal is simply planning, discipline and moderation. When a dream gets conversted into action steps it begins to look plausible. And with the right balance of motivation, discipline and moderation, kids will often reach their goals with the right support in place.
Praise, praise, praise. Kids are able to hear and respond to negative feedback. However, when inundated with praise, kids are more likely to feel a greater sense of self-worth and more of a willingness to respond to criticism when it comes their way. Instead of expressing irritation to children for not getting household jobs done, express honest praise and delight every time they do. Instead of saying to yourself, “I can’t believe Johnny is doing the dishes without being told,” say something out loud like, “I can’t tell you how much it lightens my load to have you see the dinner mess and get it cleaned up without even having to ask you to do it. You are getting so good at seeing what needs to be done and doing it on your own initiative!” the chances of the child repeating the act of self-discipline increases tenfold on the spot. The next time you walk through the family room and see two children playing nicely together, stop and tell them how it makes you feel, instead of getting angry at them when they argue. Every attempt to give honest praise is a solid-gold investment.
Teaching adolescents to fast is a way to help them recognize that indulgence is wasteful and that life often goes through changes that are unpredictable which means that although we have plenty now, there is no guarantee this will continue. It is also important to help them understand what feeling hungry really is like. I’m not talking about cutting off their food supply for a week but instead limiting kids food for weekend to the bare essentials like trail mix and water. This will often be an exciting experiment for kids who may emerge more appreciative of the abundance they enjoy.
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