Bryon Remo: Parents Experience in Family Therapy
Parents and teens often view therapy as a sign of weakness claiming that if the other would just stop being a pain in the ass then the universe would come back into alignment. Teenagers and their parents need to accept the difficulty that life transitions pose and realize that even as therapists we too face the same dilemmas. Anger, poor listening, inflexibility and reckless behavior is something all parents must have to contend with. We are humbled and happy to supports parents and their teenagers through normal, though challenging times.
RemoCounseling.com
Teen Friendly & Family Counseling
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Parents Experience in Family Therapy
Raising an adolescent is a challenging task, and the difficulty of this task increases when the child is confronted with problems that the parents feel they are not able to deal with. Parents often feel as though their family life is in a state of crisis, and the escalating conflict reaches a point in which there is no room to negotiate. Parents bring their adolescent into therapy after having exhausted many of their options and feel unclear about what direction to take. Parents may make an appointment to seek family therapy because of perceived personal shortcomings in their parenting skils and because of their perceived lack of alternatives. Therapists need to be particularly sensitive to parents at the onset of therapy, realizing that parents may feel inadequae, underprepared, and overwhelmed. In addition, family therapists can provide support and work to create a trusting relationship with parents prior to doing more direct interventions such as challenging or confronting parenting styles. It is interesting to understand why parents seek therapy even after other therapy attempts have been unsuccessful. Establishing a supportive therapeutic climate is key to therapeutic success as families often find it difficult to make that step inviting support to the ones they love.
AAMFT Journal of Marital & Family Therapy
Bryon Remo is a licensed marital and family therapist practicing in the Southbuy Connecticut area. He has worked with adolescents for the past 14 years in varying capacities. He believes strongly that teens and parents need to find a common language they can communicate through in which each are given the space to share, plan and consider all perspectives.
AAMFT Journal of Marital & Family Therapy
Bryon Remo is a licensed marital and family therapist practicing in the Southbuy Connecticut area. He has worked with adolescents for the past 14 years in varying capacities. He believes strongly that teens and parents need to find a common language they can communicate through in which each are given the space to share, plan and consider all perspectives.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
What can be changed versus what must be tolerated? I've often wondered why many feel that change is always possible. In reality, change can evolve within one's perspective, but circumstances are not always possible to change. As a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I feel strongly that understanding the diffference between these two ideas is central to the pursuit of contentment. Learning to accept the often unbending parts of our world and simultaneously exercising our power to choose, gives us a stronger balance in navigating through real issues. expand »
I've been working with individuals, couples and families for the past ten years in varying capacities. I specialze in working with adolescent issues and have discovered that teenagers often have far more resiliency and desire for change than much of the adult world may realize. Through working in schools, hospitals, family agencies and private practice, I've had the privilege of coming to better understand the unique needs of teens, couples and families through my knowledge and experience as a systems trained therapist.
I am most experienced working with adolescents, couples and familes. I specialize in working with teenagers with difficult behaviors, ADHD, school anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression, anger management, parenting issues, divorce and family transitions, substance abuse, internet, cell phone, video game, t.v. and other media saturation problems, bullying, learning disabilities, sibling rivalry and grief and loss issues.
I work in a highly interactive manner, drawing on individual and family strengths to establish attainable goals. I truly believe that each member of a coupleship or family maintains specfic abilities that often go unnoticed by others that can help unlock the "stuck system." I work primarily through solution-focused and experiential modalities. However, I incorporate narrative therapies and psychoanalytic approaches when appropriate.
I received my Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Cambridge College, where I was trained under some of the most highly qualified systems therapists in the country. In addition, I hold a Bachelor's Degree in Special Education from Bridgewater State College. I have extensive experience working with adolescents with special needs. In addition, I was a member of a panel on a televison broadcast (NECN) entitled, "Educating the community in decoding teenage behavior." My primary focus of therapy is to develop a relationship with you that is genuine, mutually respectful and focused on possibilities. It is not useful to enter into a therapeutic relationship when one is strictly hoping for external change. If you are committed to your own internal shifts, I would be happy to speak with you to see if we might be a good match.
Be well and be the change you seek.
Bryon Remo
I've been working with individuals, couples and families for the past ten years in varying capacities. I specialze in working with adolescent issues and have discovered that teenagers often have far more resiliency and desire for change than much of the adult world may realize. Through working in schools, hospitals, family agencies and private practice, I've had the privilege of coming to better understand the unique needs of teens, couples and families through my knowledge and experience as a systems trained therapist.
I am most experienced working with adolescents, couples and familes. I specialize in working with teenagers with difficult behaviors, ADHD, school anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression, anger management, parenting issues, divorce and family transitions, substance abuse, internet, cell phone, video game, t.v. and other media saturation problems, bullying, learning disabilities, sibling rivalry and grief and loss issues.
I work in a highly interactive manner, drawing on individual and family strengths to establish attainable goals. I truly believe that each member of a coupleship or family maintains specfic abilities that often go unnoticed by others that can help unlock the "stuck system." I work primarily through solution-focused and experiential modalities. However, I incorporate narrative therapies and psychoanalytic approaches when appropriate.
I received my Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Cambridge College, where I was trained under some of the most highly qualified systems therapists in the country. In addition, I hold a Bachelor's Degree in Special Education from Bridgewater State College. I have extensive experience working with adolescents with special needs. In addition, I was a member of a panel on a televison broadcast (NECN) entitled, "Educating the community in decoding teenage behavior." My primary focus of therapy is to develop a relationship with you that is genuine, mutually respectful and focused on possibilities. It is not useful to enter into a therapeutic relationship when one is strictly hoping for external change. If you are committed to your own internal shifts, I would be happy to speak with you to see if we might be a good match.
Be well and be the change you seek.
Bryon Remo
Most people who don't have ADD do not understand it. Unlike having an imagination as to what it might feel like to be an alcoholic, the individual with ADD is keenly aware that the non-ADDers of the world can quite relate. Despite reading about symptomatology and understanding the core sentiment of ADD- poor attention, impulsivity, lack of listening, etc., most adults believe that it is more in an individuals control than they think. To be fair, there are many people who use their diagnosis as justification for poor decision-making and although they may have some defense, often the world become weary of excuses that they believe are correctable issues with proper discipline and structure.
Children and Teens
Determining if a child has AD/HD takes many steps. There is no single test to diagnose the disorder. As a result, a comprehensive evaluation is necessary to establish the diagnosis, rule out other causes, and determine the presence or absence of coexisting conditions. Such an evaluation requires time and effort. It should include a clinical assessment of the child’s school, social, and emotional functioning and developmental level. A careful history should be taken from parents, teachers, and the child when appropriate.
Teens with AD/HD present a special challenge, as academic and organizational demands increase. In addition, they face typical adolescent issues: discovering their identity, establishing independence, and dealing with peer pressure. Several types of professionals can diagnose AD/HD, including pediatricians, psychologists, social workers, nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, and other medical doctors. A thorough medical exam by a physician is important. Only medical doctors can prescribe medication if it is indicated. Regardless of who does the evaluation, use of the most current diagnostic criteria according to established professional standards of diagnosis is essential. The evaluating professional will also provide parents and other adults in the child’s life, including teachers, with symptom checklists or other feedback forms when gathering information in this evaluation process.
Adults
Growing up with undiagnosed AD/HD can have devastating effects, with adults often thinking of themselves as "lazy," "crazy," or "stupid." As a result, proper diagnosis can be profoundly healing, putting present difficulties into perspective and making sense of lifelong symptoms. A comprehensive evaluation for AD/HD is best made by clinicians with experience in the disorder. This may include a behavioral neurologist, psychiatrist, clinical or educational psychologist, nurse practitioner, or clinical social worker. A comprehensive evaluation should focus on past and present AD/HD symptoms; the person’s developmental and medical history and school, work, and psychiatric history, including medications, social adjustment, and general ability to meet the demands of daily life. Ideally, the exam should include several sources of information, such as a parent or significant other.
This article is presented by Chadd.org
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT Southbury, CT
Determining if a child has AD/HD takes many steps. There is no single test to diagnose the disorder. As a result, a comprehensive evaluation is necessary to establish the diagnosis, rule out other causes, and determine the presence or absence of coexisting conditions. Such an evaluation requires time and effort. It should include a clinical assessment of the child’s school, social, and emotional functioning and developmental level. A careful history should be taken from parents, teachers, and the child when appropriate.
Teens with AD/HD present a special challenge, as academic and organizational demands increase. In addition, they face typical adolescent issues: discovering their identity, establishing independence, and dealing with peer pressure. Several types of professionals can diagnose AD/HD, including pediatricians, psychologists, social workers, nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, and other medical doctors. A thorough medical exam by a physician is important. Only medical doctors can prescribe medication if it is indicated. Regardless of who does the evaluation, use of the most current diagnostic criteria according to established professional standards of diagnosis is essential. The evaluating professional will also provide parents and other adults in the child’s life, including teachers, with symptom checklists or other feedback forms when gathering information in this evaluation process.
Adults
Growing up with undiagnosed AD/HD can have devastating effects, with adults often thinking of themselves as "lazy," "crazy," or "stupid." As a result, proper diagnosis can be profoundly healing, putting present difficulties into perspective and making sense of lifelong symptoms. A comprehensive evaluation for AD/HD is best made by clinicians with experience in the disorder. This may include a behavioral neurologist, psychiatrist, clinical or educational psychologist, nurse practitioner, or clinical social worker. A comprehensive evaluation should focus on past and present AD/HD symptoms; the person’s developmental and medical history and school, work, and psychiatric history, including medications, social adjustment, and general ability to meet the demands of daily life. Ideally, the exam should include several sources of information, such as a parent or significant other.
This article is presented by Chadd.org
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT Southbury, CT
AD/HD symptoms usually arise in early childhood. Current diagnostic criteria indicate that the disorder is marked by behaviors that are long lasting and evident for at least six months, with onset before age seven. There are three primary subtypes, each associated with different symptoms.
AD/HD - Primarily Inattentive Type:
• Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
• Has difficulty sustaining attention.
• Does not appear to listen.
• Struggles to follow through on instructions.
• Has difficulty with organization.
• Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.
• Is easily distracted.
• Is forgetful in daily activities.
AD/HD - Primarily Hyperactive/Impulsive Type:
• Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.
• Has difficulty remaining seated.
• Runs around or climbs excessively.
• Has difficulty engaging in activities quietly.
• Acts as if driven by a motor.
• Talks excessively.
• Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
• Has difficulty waiting or taking turns.
• Interrupts or intrudes upon others.
AD/HD - Combined Type:
• Meets both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive criteria.
Because everyone shows signs of these behaviors at one time or another, the guidelines for determining whether a person has AD/HD are very specific. In children, the symptoms must be more frequent or severe than in other children of the same age. In adults, the symptoms must be present since childhood and affect one’s ability to function in daily life. These behaviors must create significant difficulty in at least two areas of life, such as home, social settings, school, or work.
AD/HD - Primarily Inattentive Type:
• Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
• Has difficulty sustaining attention.
• Does not appear to listen.
• Struggles to follow through on instructions.
• Has difficulty with organization.
• Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.
• Is easily distracted.
• Is forgetful in daily activities.
AD/HD - Primarily Hyperactive/Impulsive Type:
• Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.
• Has difficulty remaining seated.
• Runs around or climbs excessively.
• Has difficulty engaging in activities quietly.
• Acts as if driven by a motor.
• Talks excessively.
• Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
• Has difficulty waiting or taking turns.
• Interrupts or intrudes upon others.
AD/HD - Combined Type:
• Meets both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive criteria.
Because everyone shows signs of these behaviors at one time or another, the guidelines for determining whether a person has AD/HD are very specific. In children, the symptoms must be more frequent or severe than in other children of the same age. In adults, the symptoms must be present since childhood and affect one’s ability to function in daily life. These behaviors must create significant difficulty in at least two areas of life, such as home, social settings, school, or work.
Parents and Teenagers Need a Little Tenderness
When it comes to parenting teenagers nobody seems to envy parents. Yet why are there those that find teens to be endearing. Teens are among the most grossly misunderstood population perhaps next to the elderly. This is often because adults lay claim to having previously been a teenager and thus fully comprehend the complexity of teen living. While many things continuously echo adolescent living from years past I cannot imagine a reasonable person doubting the uniqueness of today's teenagers' challenges. From media saturation, to excessive forms of communication; an inundation with facebook, myspace and other time stealers to the over liberalization of music and an onslaught of drug choices that have yet to be fully understood, today's adolescents face issues that adults are ill equipped to handle. To be fair, this is not the adult's fault as the mass movement of technology has caught us all on the trough of the wave. But those that have a willingness to not so much endorse modern amenites and communication fads, but rather to understand their "normalcy" in today's culture are more likely to connect with a teen population that so desperately needs understanding. There are many great advantages to living in 2010. Yet many are beginning to question, "Has technology truly improved the quality of life." Afterall, these "toys" that teens can't seem to live without come with a pricetag. This price is often not in the form of a one time purchase but in a two year membership with unlimited this or free that. So when will human relationships become intimate again? That's probably better left to divine scholars than I, but one thing seems for certain to me. If adults only see the negative in what the teen world is confronted with regarding consumerism, materialism and a giant marketing campaign to steal our children's values, it will be quite difficult for us to be in positions of influence with them. That is to say, how can we convince of youth that there is a danger to too much technology if they don't feel we understand its upside. We lose much credibility when we share concerns without empathizing with current culture. It is true that life would be easier if teens would just listen and heed the advice of well informed and well intended adults- especially those adults that truly enjoy and appreciate teens. But because teens often view adults with suspicion and are portrayed as "out of touch" we are called to further understand first the benefits of teen decision making before we can pull them away from the "dark side." The important point here is that with a little tenderness and recognition that each generation has its own set of challenges, adults need to soften to that which teens didn't create. A little understanding creates a little more closeness.
When it comes to parenting teenagers nobody seems to envy parents. Yet why are there those that find teens to be endearing. Teens are among the most grossly misunderstood population perhaps next to the elderly. This is often because adults lay claim to having previously been a teenager and thus fully comprehend the complexity of teen living. While many things continuously echo adolescent living from years past I cannot imagine a reasonable person doubting the uniqueness of today's teenagers' challenges. From media saturation, to excessive forms of communication; an inundation with facebook, myspace and other time stealers to the over liberalization of music and an onslaught of drug choices that have yet to be fully understood, today's adolescents face issues that adults are ill equipped to handle. To be fair, this is not the adult's fault as the mass movement of technology has caught us all on the trough of the wave. But those that have a willingness to not so much endorse modern amenites and communication fads, but rather to understand their "normalcy" in today's culture are more likely to connect with a teen population that so desperately needs understanding. There are many great advantages to living in 2010. Yet many are beginning to question, "Has technology truly improved the quality of life." Afterall, these "toys" that teens can't seem to live without come with a pricetag. This price is often not in the form of a one time purchase but in a two year membership with unlimited this or free that. So when will human relationships become intimate again? That's probably better left to divine scholars than I, but one thing seems for certain to me. If adults only see the negative in what the teen world is confronted with regarding consumerism, materialism and a giant marketing campaign to steal our children's values, it will be quite difficult for us to be in positions of influence with them. That is to say, how can we convince of youth that there is a danger to too much technology if they don't feel we understand its upside. We lose much credibility when we share concerns without empathizing with current culture. It is true that life would be easier if teens would just listen and heed the advice of well informed and well intended adults- especially those adults that truly enjoy and appreciate teens. But because teens often view adults with suspicion and are portrayed as "out of touch" we are called to further understand first the benefits of teen decision making before we can pull them away from the "dark side." The important point here is that with a little tenderness and recognition that each generation has its own set of challenges, adults need to soften to that which teens didn't create. A little understanding creates a little more closeness.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Bryon Remo is a licensed marital and family therapist specializing in adolescent issues. He is committed to protecting and promoting the emotional well-being of teenagers and helping them to become more plugged in to their inner world. Through speaking a similar dialogue but challenging contemporary norms, Bryon works hard to help teens find their own voice.
Most people who don't have ADD do not understand it. Unlike having an imagination as to what it might feel like to be an alcoholic, the individual with ADD is keenly aware that the non-ADDers of the world can quite relate. Despite reading about symptomatology and understanding the core sentiment of ADD- poor attention, impulsivity, lack of listening, etc., most adults believe that it is more in an individuals control than they think. To be fair, there are many people who use their diagnosis as justification for poor decision-making and although they may have some defense, often the world become weary of excuses that they believe are correctable issues with proper discipline and structure.
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
a fast-moving and easily distracted mind
high physical and mental energy
lack of inhibititon as compared to others
a tendency toward procrastination
trouble with remembering, plannning and anticipating
highly creative or innovative thinking
irritability
underachiever despite often being told of their intelligence
a tendency to worry unnecessarily
a high intense attitude alternating with an unclear thought process
a tendency to underestimate the duration of a task or time needed to be somewhere
unpredictability and impulsivity
disorganization despite all the efforts of oneself and others
a tendency to be a non-comformist
forgetfulness
Casual observers are often able to detect a difference between someonw with ADD and someone without it. Like Edward Hallowell, M.D., I too have disdain for the title ADD because it has become to convenient, too misunderstood and too pigeon-holing. ADD is like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Despite poor visibility, there is no desire to slow down as it is not the way of the ADD brain. It has also been referred to as like listening to a ball gameon a radio station that coming in with a lot of static. The harder you strain to try to hear it, the more frustrated you get. Once in awhile a static free interval passes through and you can hear as clear as a bell but then it's back to the static.
In many ways, the ADD brain is synonymous with a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain and there is much difficulty putting on the brakes. You get one idea and then you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea that causes the abandonment of the original idea until the third idea enters soon. You get the idea! How to stay on task with so many thoughts. The ADD brain is full of excitement and creativity but often fails to follow through on much, leaving him/her often as an innovative underachiever. With ADD, time seems to collapse, often making life feel as if everything is happening at once.
More to come on this topic. Let me know if you would like more insight, stories or just to share your personal experiences. Thanks.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Specializing in Adolescent Issues
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
a fast-moving and easily distracted mind
high physical and mental energy
lack of inhibititon as compared to others
a tendency toward procrastination
trouble with remembering, plannning and anticipating
highly creative or innovative thinking
irritability
underachiever despite often being told of their intelligence
a tendency to worry unnecessarily
a high intense attitude alternating with an unclear thought process
a tendency to underestimate the duration of a task or time needed to be somewhere
unpredictability and impulsivity
disorganization despite all the efforts of oneself and others
a tendency to be a non-comformist
forgetfulness
Casual observers are often able to detect a difference between someonw with ADD and someone without it. Like Edward Hallowell, M.D., I too have disdain for the title ADD because it has become to convenient, too misunderstood and too pigeon-holing. ADD is like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Despite poor visibility, there is no desire to slow down as it is not the way of the ADD brain. It has also been referred to as like listening to a ball gameon a radio station that coming in with a lot of static. The harder you strain to try to hear it, the more frustrated you get. Once in awhile a static free interval passes through and you can hear as clear as a bell but then it's back to the static.
In many ways, the ADD brain is synonymous with a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain and there is much difficulty putting on the brakes. You get one idea and then you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea that causes the abandonment of the original idea until the third idea enters soon. You get the idea! How to stay on task with so many thoughts. The ADD brain is full of excitement and creativity but often fails to follow through on much, leaving him/her often as an innovative underachiever. With ADD, time seems to collapse, often making life feel as if everything is happening at once.
More to come on this topic. Let me know if you would like more insight, stories or just to share your personal experiences. Thanks.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Specializing in Adolescent Issues
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Teenagers are particularly susceptible to poor decision-making in the summertime for obvious reasons. However, some are not always so obvious. The fact that more down time exists, thus leading to the "boredom" problem has many parents scrambling to fill the void. However, it is not so much the down time as the lack of any structure that has potentially negative consequences. Teens, by nature, need adults to pull back from their superpower interventions and let them experiment, suffer, recover, and learn. By this I am not talking about hardcore drugs and chronic substance use. But I am talking about giving them opportunities to dig themseles out of bad decisions through self-reflection, peer consultation and hold your breath, maybe even seeking their parents out for advice; as opposed to the trendy "helicopter parenting" employed by many these days. Teens need to stay connected to their parents not so much through a heavy time element but through the continuation of dinner and other check-in points throughout the day and week. Despite teens wanting their freedom, they still rely on the consistent awareness that they have a solid frame in which to rely when summertime stressors feel unmanageable without adult support. But take caution and observe your child as opposed to managing them. When you sense the universe being out of alignment for them, it is far more useful to note what you see rather than speculate on what you think might be going on. Ask! Do not tell! Going from a period to a question mark is at the vanguard of parenting effectively with contemporary teens. If this feels ineffective, then writing terse notes letting your teen know that you are there for him or her may not feel too significant, but over time kids have memories of little efforts.
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