Bryon Remo Primer on Promoting Sibling Closeness

Many parents have grown up with stories of constant teasing, competing and jockeying for power with their siblings. These stories are often viewed as a “typical” part of childhood development within a family. Yet despite parents awareness of past sibling squabbling, they long for their offspring to have a closer relationship with less contentiousness and a greater appreciation for one another. Bryon Remo notes that parents today are so overwhelmed that the little aspects of parenting, which promote sibling closeness, often gets unattended to because of other demands. Yet it takes very little effort to send a daily message to one’s kids of the importance of kindness, sensitivity and forgiveness. When parents put the extra time into creating rituals that promote closeness, they often experience the joy of such efforts unexpectedly. Remo notes that he developed a system in his home in which he promotes 5 key points of emphasis that he wants his children to focus on- taking care of their minds, taking care of their bodies, taking care of their home, spirituality and caring for others. The emphasis of these is often on the caring for others piece, in which he rewards his children not simply for doing household tasks, but for being extra benevolent, thoughtful or caring to each other. Children want to please, but they often are at a loss for ways that they can express such. Bryon Remo suggests that parents take note of children’s natural tendencies and create opportunities for kids to further express their kindness with one another. For instance, if your child enjoys helping you or your spouse cook, have them cook something that they then serve to their brother or sister and pretend they are their waiter. This will allow them to be involved in something they enjoy that can also benefit their siblings. Siblings can and should be close but parents have quite a bit of say in how this will unfold. Bryon Remo is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Southbury and West Hartford,CT. He also serves the communities of Oxford, Watertown, Woodbury, Seymour, Roxbury, Brookfield, Roxbury, Monroe, and Danbury.

Bryon Remo Primer on Promoting Children's Resiliency

It's amazing how some kids can fail repeatedly at some tasks and seem not only unfazed by their failure but appear motivated by it. And yet others who face the slightest resistance are ready to throw in the towel. Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist in Southbury, Connecticut notes that each child has a certain level of resiliency that is not always easy to understand. Yet resiliency can be promoted for those that seem to possess very little.

Children engaged in activities that are competitive often depict a broad range of behaviors at the hands of defeat. Some are completely indifferent, while others agonize over games that have nothing of consequence attached to it. Remo notes that it is important to teach kids to view failure as healthy and essential to growth. Too often adolescents grow up expecting to win at everything not realizing that success takes a lot of hard work.

Building resiliency in kids means giving kids an opportunity to make sense of the missing ingredients that may promote their success. Bryon Remo's work as a therapist with young people often centers around teaching children to reframe their view of failure as an opportunity for later success. He suggests that kids need to be taught to be graceful at losing, but to also benefit from their sadness.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT practices in Southbury and West Hartford, CT and serves the communities of Watertown, Oxford, Naugatuck, Monroe,Woodbury, Seymour, Thomaston, Torrington, Roxbury, Bridgewater, Brookfield and Danbury, Connecticut.

The Benefits of Competition in Children

Bryon Remo Primer on the Benefits of Competition Among Children

In today's kid world, competition is often frowned upon or at least viewed as less important than other virtues as sportsmanship, comraderie and fairness. And though few would disagree with these ideas being most relevant, the idea of winners and losers has taken on a venomous perspective among many parents. Parents who believe that childrens' self-esteem hinges on social equitability and an "everyone gets a trophy" perspective fails to see that the adult world isn't always quite as generous.

There is nothing that pleases me more that witnessing my kids engaging in sports play with others and developing friendships. They learn numerous values about teamwork, unselfishness, commitment, humility and persistence, etc. But they should also be learning that life is at times highly competitive and that it is ok to work hard and pursue success. Although this should not come at the expense of the aforementioned values, it is essential that kids learn that they can pursue an "edge" early in life without feeling ashamed or apologetic. The reality of life is that 31 teams did not win the Superbowl and each of the losing teams can handle loss with grace and motivation for next year or they can pout and be bitter. Either way, competition will roll on whether we like it or not.

Losing can give kids the opportunity to see that success takes a lot of work. And, the reward of achieving should feel wonderful because of such commitment toward success. Self-esteem can and should be cultivated in numerous ways with children; not through having them falsely believe that competition should end without any heartache. Losing stinks! But adults can teach children how to lose with grace, how to benefit from failure and how to someday look back on the gift of competition. That is of course, if we don't shield them from its reality.

Bryon Remo is a licensed marital and family therapist practicing in Southbury and West Hartford, Connecticut.