Good parents come from all different backgrounds and with various approaches to working with their teenage children. Some suggest to back off, others to continue holding them accountable and still others to be better listeners. Whatever approach parents customize to reach their sometimes challenging teen there is one phenomenon that is undeniably common among them- they are moody creatures! And their behavior or attitude is not always linked to recent events. Sometimes they are just simply moody. PERIOD! It's called adolescence!
Whether folks consider such information as useless or fatalistic, it is always helpful to avoid thinking that every parenting problem has a witty well thought out intervention. According to Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT of West Hartford and Southbury, "The teen years are marked by chronic internal and external chaos. There is great enthusiasm in coming of age, but also great apprehension. Moodiness is a natural companion to such conflicting emotions." Adults are well served to turn down the intensity of their responses when their teenager's behavior deviates from the norm. They are constantly experimenting and replacing norms with new ones. This can be quite frustrating to parents who work hard to put structures in place to help their teen be successful.
Parenting teens is challenging especially when such a group isn't always receptive to being parented. Remo notes, "If parents can withold their advice long enough for their teen to feel listened to, they may actually want their feedback. The problem is that parents are often restless and want behavior change more immediately." Parents who listen first and speak 2nd are often able to get more insight into their child's behavior. They might even just remember being a teen themselves and that all behavior doesn't always have to make sense. Sometimes it just needs to come to pass. Aren't we all a little moody?
Bryon Remo has a private practice in West Hartford and Southbury, CT
