Moments with Adolescents

Oftentimes parents become so frustrated with their adolescents that their only goal is to figure out how to make time go faster so that they will “grow up” and take some responsibility in life. When thinking about how to best reach teenagers, it is useful to think on a micro level; that is, how can you connect with your adolescent one moment at a time. Many parents look for that silver lining in the vacation around the corner that will make it all better. Yet that vacation ultimately disappoints the parents as their teen wants to be left alone or free to roam about searching for like minded teens. However, when parents think about connecting with their kids one moment at a time those small gestures can amount to connections that cannot be calculated. For example, a quick card game, sharing a joke, discussing  a teen’s favorite song, getting an ice cream cone, reading a comic strip, playing the wii, tolerating a bit of Family Guy, making their favorite snack, not talking about school, etc. These little things in culmination can create an imprint in a young person’s mind that says, “No matter how uncool my parents may be, they are “plugged” into me.” It is amazing how many lost opportunities escape parents as they constantly search for a better time to reach them. Yet the brevity of the moment is a comfort zone for teens and they are more receptive to connecting on this level. Each interaction need not be monumental or “bonding” in intent. But each moment has a value that must be trusted as part of a foundation in a parent/child lifelong relationship. The little talks or actions have a consistency factor that has staying power with kids. It’s a way of saying that each day “I want to check in with you because you’re so important to me.” As opposed to saying each day, “I’m busy and we’ll do something great when I get a day off of work one day.” Kids would much prefer the safety and consistency of daily interactions than the big event that does not always amount to the connecting experience that parents hope for.