Teaching Adolescents an Optimistic Internal Dialogue

In recent years psychologists have discovered that pessimism is a trait that is able to be changed. Many cognitive psychologists have developed technologies for changing the thinking habits that many people fall into when they begin to flounder. Often these techniques can be taught by parents, teachers and therapists and works particularly well for school aged children. Teaching someone with negative or even depressive energy to change their thinking habits can be a tiresome process, but one that must be done.

Many therapists ask the question, “When does depression begin? What makes some kids more vulnerable to it than others? Why are some kids more resilient than others?”According to research more than a quarter of kids are significantly depressed at any given time, and at least 20 percent of kids experience more severe depression at least once during a 5 year period.

Once kids experience bouts of depression their likelihood of becoming pessimistic grossly increases. In addition, depression is likely to go away gradually overtime whereas pessimism is not as likely to shift. Once the teenage years emerge, if a child has already experienced some level of depression he or she is at great risk to re-experience it again. Research also suggests that many children first become depressed when their parents started fighting with each other. Parental conflict, changing family dynamics and poor communication skills between divorcing partners are heavy risk factors for the emerging teenage child.

It is not enough to merely teach kids to be optimistic in the face of conflict. Adolescents need ways of handling social situations as well . A combination of cognitive skills along with social skills will help kids become equipped with the tools to handle life’s setbacks.

Many parents, teachers and even therapists in the past 25 years have been tirelessly trying to help bolster kids self esteem. This has often been done through emphasizing how a child feels. Although this is an important part of the equation, it is simply not enough . Adolescents need to be taught how to master skills, overcome frustration and boredom and learn how to persist where they previously had given up. Parents and teachers are actually making children more vulnerable to depression when their sole emphasis is on self-esteem building at the exclusion of the aforementioned.

When praise is constantly echoed throughout each class and within the halls, as well as on every poster and every progress report and report card, kids soon learn to ignore such flattery, receiving it as less than sincere. Kids may wonder, “If everyone is special, then how could I be too?”

Encouraging motivation and optimism requires our own authentic optimism. But it also means helping kids develop the internal dialogue that will lead to the self-motivation, self-confidence and optimistic adolescents we hope our children to be. Teaching kids to accept frustration as part of life and developing the thinking to overcome this natural process is necessary to develop healthy and resilient young minds.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Bryon Remo practices in Southbury and West Hartford and serves Watertown, Oxford, Roxbury, Monroe, Naugatuck and other surrounding communities.