Teenage boys and the locker room!

The locker room has always had a machismo persona attached to it when dealing with boys athletics. It's been a place of camraderie, game-planning, celebration and agony. But it has also been a place of cruelty. A place where the "weak" are not welcome and are reduced to prey from entitled predators. Often high-school athletes have been crowned "super special" by their peers, coaches and even themselves by virtue of running, kicking, throwing, shooting, tackling or manipulating their bodies or some ball in a way that is superior to the typical person. Is this lunacy or not? Why is the chess guy not revered or the computer geek who coded Mario Bros. (well I'm sure he is) or the dude that leads the improv club? Who decided that shooting steroids, treating girls like crap, seeing school as an obstacle to overcome and sporting a winning smile behind arrogant eyes is worthy of such noble notice? I abhor the locker room culture not because I was a target as I was an all-state athlete. But because I was often among other athletes that felt that they were better than other kids because they played a sport. In the big picture, no one truly gives a crap!

Adolescents and When to Involve Parents

It is not always easy to know when to have parents involved in the process of helping teens. Of course, traditional family therapists would not even hesitate to say immediately. However, there are conditions whereby giving a teenager permission to "size up" the therapist to deem his/her worthy of working with the family can be useful. Often teens do not buy into the idea of therapy and it can be helpful to form somewhat of a relationship before starting with family work when kids have historically felt teamed up on or in a one down position. Teens who are able to trust their therapist are at a far greater likelihood to hang in there during difficult moments in session and even be willing to be influence by the other family members comments. It is wonderful when teens will consider the suggestions of a family member who they would not ordinarily consider outside the therapeutic walls. Just getting teen to talk is a small victory as teens are often unwilling to share their thoughts and turn to journals, t.v. or sillence.

Teens and Solitude

Teens often need to learn how to spend time alone; or in a state of solitude. This is different than feeling lonely, but instead completely content and productive, even if in a state of stillness. There is a real need to teach kids how to be comfortable being by themselves and enjoying the company they keep. They often feel that they need to be doing something in order to be productive. Yet when teens can relax and learn how to stay plugged in to their own bodies, they are more likely to be content and not constantly chasing the excitement that never seems to be within reach of a teens' arms.

Teenagers and Sleep

Teens do not get nearly the sleep that they need. They are often amped up on Red Bull or Monster drinks and do not see sleep as essential to their academic success or overall health. It is important for parents to stay plugged in to the sleep habits of their kids and to be aware of any factors that may contribute toward sleep deprivation. Many kids report not sleeping, and staying up until 2 AM, whether it be because they are using facebook, texting, watching t.v., playing X-box or whatever. These things grossly interfere with the physical, mental and emotional well-being of teens. They simply are not getting the rest that their bodies require to function at optimal levels. There are numerous scholars that have discussed the importance of sleep as it pertains to energy, mental acuity and ability to adapt to changing circumstances, among other elements. When teens make the connection between sleep and performance, or simply overall wellness they are more likely to maintain an awareness of its importance. Being able to say "no" to their peers is one of the hardest things for teens to do. I have found that when teenagers are able to say "no" to their peers and thus "yes" to their own needs, it opens up windows of possibilities that they feel are often taken away if they miss out on the endless and often useless online fodder that litters nightly communication among young people. Teens who get regular and long durations of sleep tend to be more alert and involved in school and have more effective interactions with both peers and adults during wakeful hours. Those teens who burn the midgnight oil are at risk for a whole host of difficulties starting mainly with low energy, low tolerance for mundane school tasks, difficulty managing stress, and difficulty banking knowledge ot memory. I urge all adults to support teens by sending along a message of the importance of sleep. Even if a teen blows it off as useless, even enough adults share the message, it just may sink in.

 

RemoCounseling.com

Psychologytoday.com

RemoCounseling.com

Psychologytoday.com

 

Teenagers and Community Service

Teens that learn to care about others in the community, country or abroad learn the ability to empathize with others. This is a vital behavior in a narcissitic teen world that constantly perpetuates the idea of self-fullfillment. Our modern world of consumerism constantly tempts teens into making purchases to meet their immediate demands. Although these things are not needs, they have tapped into the adolescent psyche such that they can play off their weaknesses.

Teens and Marijuana

There has been a growing trend among teenagers to perceive marijuana as having little to no negative impact on their well-being. In an age in which THC levels have more than tripled since I was a young lad, it is a scary scenario when teens do not make any connection between pot usage and the potential for problems in their lives. It is true, that many teens have perceptually benefitted from marijuana by avoiding their problems. Of course, this is a temporary panacaea. However, it is difficult to penetrate teens on the idea that marijuana is a dangerous drug. Therefore, there is some use to the idea of discussing addiction across multiple areas of life. This can be a way of helping kids think about addiction in general and can keep the conversation from getting to risky. Teens will know what you're getting at if you make the connections. It's important to avoid any discussion of marijuana that has a lecture feel to it. It simply won't fly with teens and you will end up being told nothing or just what you want to hear. Either is useless. Developing a way to communicate more openly about the temptations in kids' lives will allow for the possibility of understanding and consideration of adult thoughts.

Teens and Music

A great way to connect with teens is through their music. This is not to suggest that you must tolerate all 100 of Eminem's puritanical tunes. But if you can get a sense as to what artist's they listen to it can not only tip you off as to their interests, but also give you a sense of the flavor of their music: ie., fun & playful, high energry, loud and angry, aggressive and controlling, etc. Songs that teens like can be great talking points as they can take the emphasis off of their direct issues and temporarily project onto a musician. This can then be later echoed back to them when appropriate down the road. Teen music often speaks to themes that are not always easy to comprehend by mere observation. There is a culture to today's teens that is not always simple to comprehend. The explosion of communication systems has created an exhausting flood of overload, in which teens are forced to feel part of despite their awareness of its uselessness. To help kids through music means to suspend judgment of hard-to-hear lyrics and ask questions that will probe deeper into an understanding of what the music means to them.



RemoCounseling.com