Four Tasks of Adolescence

Four Tasks of Adolescence
1) COMPARATIVE WORLD VIEW
For the first ten or twelve years of life, your view was their view. Your kids rarely questioned your choices. The holidays you celebrated, the company you kept, your standard of living—all these were accepted. Then they began to question and challenge your way of life. This is their job. They need to develop their own view of things, make choices, and try out other ways of living. This is an adventure (at times stressful) for teens. For parents, it may feel like rejection and loss. But this is what you want for them, in the end. You want your kids to have their own identities.

2) SHIFT OF PRIMARY SOCIAL GROUP
For the first ten or twelve years, you—the family—were the primary social group of your children. You were their company, their guides, their heroes. All of a sudden, they don’t want to be seen in the mall with you. They want to be with their friends all the time; if not with them, then on the phone with them. This is their job—to figure out how to get along with their peers, what kind of friends they want, who they might love. For parents, this may feel a lot like loss and rejections. But in the end, this what you want for them—to be able to function in the world outside their family.

3) SEXUAL MATURITY
For years, your children had little or no interest in sex. Intimacy was easy and friendly. All of a sudden they can’t stand a hug from you, or at least not in public. Sex may seem like all they think about; sexual behavior may begin. There may be a great deal of discomfort and tension between the generations about issues related to sex. This is a hard time for ids to navigate. For parents, it represents a huge loss of childish innocence. But in the end, you want your kids to develop sexual maturity, to be able to love, to grow into having their own families.

4) LEAVING HOME
The last and biggest task is leaving home. But this too is what you want—to launch your child on his or her own life. It is essential that your children feel they have the blessing of their parents to choose the course of life that they see desirable.


Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Practicing if Southbury, CT and Specializing in Adolescent Issues

Working with Adolescents and Parents

When working with adolescents and parents it is important to gauge the comfort level of teens with having their parents share the same space as them while discussing sensitive matter. Although this may be essential at some point in time it is important to not rush into family work to appease the parents when it could inadvertently harm the adolescent/therapist connection. Teens need to know that they are going to have some latitude and protection if they are not at their best when in sesion with their parents. If they are angry and it plays out aggressively, a teen needs to know that the therapist is equipped to reframe the behavior and express it in a way that won't further alient his parents or other family members.

Being authentic in therapy is often hard for teens who at times like to put on a show to impress others. Sometimes this show can be quite revealing and beneficial to the therapy process- other times it can sabotage efforts made by other members. Whatever the situation may be, a therapist should feel confident that he has instilled the confidence in the adolescent client that although it may be uncomfortable at times to share, he will have support when he falters.

Parents need to be made aware that if a teenager does not wish to have his family as part of the process that it is not simply a rejection of his family, but instead a way of saying that he doesn't feel emotionally safe enough yet to anticipate postive outcomes. This can be conveyed in a way that may elicit a reflective state in the parents that considers their way of processing their frustrations with their teenager. Adolescents and parents need to work on their relationship in a way that doesn't focus on problems, but instead builds upon strengths and areas of resiliency and family closeness. There is often too much energy placed on problems and not enough energy on sustaining that which allows the family to function well during the good times. When family members are at a loss to find strengths or positive memories with each other, it is vital that they at least share what they would like that vision to look like. Family therapy is often an intimidating proposition to family members, but when done effectively it can not only be less scary, it can actually be something teens and parents look forward to.

Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Practicing in Southbury, Connecticut

Specializing in adolescent and couples issues

Couples experiencing depression

Many times couples enter into therapy where one or both partners is reporting feelings of depression or even a self-assessed depressive diagnosis. Depression is a clinical term that is often carelessly thrown around with little understanding of its actual condition. Rather than reiterate a mundane rant about the symptoms and causation that can be found in endless online reputable websites such as psychologytoday.com or nami.org, it is more useful to discuss how having a diagnosis helps and hinders a couples perception of therapeutic possibilities.

When a member of a coupleship reports that they have been depressed for years it can often establish an early tone in therapy that attempts to exonerate the depressed indivdual of responsibility. This can position the depressed person as the victim and thereby void of criticism as to his or her role in the relational downward spiral. It is important to think about oneself as on a level playing field with one's parnter to avoid an unlevel playing field whereby one member feels the sole responsibility for the destruction of a relationship. This burden to bear is one that is not typically justifiable nor will it set a precedence for the mutual responsibility that each member must have in an effort to create the change they desire.

On the other hand, when a member of a coupleship truly has a legitimate depressive diagnosis and their partner has a level of empathy and knowledge of their condition, it can allow for a level of sensitivity and adaptability in a partnership that is welcoming of support and compassion. When depression is understood as a condition that is not plaguing an individual, but rather, interfering in a couple's well-being, it can be viewed in a more manageable and empowering way. Relationships where couples have an ongoing desire to re-think and re-author their circumstances are at the greatest advantage when trying to create the kind of change that frees them from restrictive labels and reduces them to symptoms. People are more dynamic and resilient than their "condtions." Yet, when conditions have a legitimate basis, it is comforting to know that a truly clinically depressed individual has the companionship of a willing-to-understand partner.

Using humor in therapy

People are not getting the funny they need in their lives these days. From a tumbling economy to a divorce rate of 51% there is not as much to feel giddy about as yesteryear. But, to be fair there are many who continue to find the humor in life's misery whether it be as a coping mechanism or just an alternative to using drugs that feels pretty good. Either way, humor has a way of lightening difficult subject matter even if it does have sustenance over the long haul. There is a reason why 30 minute comedy sitcom tend to control the media market. People are desperate for laughter in their lives.

In therapy, there is typically a seriousness of purpose, as there should be, that kicks off the early part of treatment. And, although there is a need to understand such seriousness, it needn't come at the expense of light hearted humor that can relax and enable clients to feel at ease whereby lightness may not be so common anymore. This could be the much needed respite family's need to catapult there own humor. I am not talking about engaging in stand-up comedy as a therapist. But rather helping families put a gentler, even humorous spin on crazy circumstances to keep them from feeling that they are going crazy.

Adolescents' Perceptions of Interparental Conflict- Part 1

The influence whereby a child's perception is structured can be examined in terms of children's appraisals of interparental conflict and their recognition of parental control. Investigating early adolescents' perceptions of marital conflict across multiple domains is a task that I previously had studied.

It is hypothesized that a significant discrepancy exists among early adolescents' perceptions of the frequency and intensity of conflict, and their perceptions of family stability and perceived threat. More specifically, early adolescents' who do not feel the family stability is threatened by interparental conflict will report at least moderate levels of frequent and intense interparental conflict. It is additionally hypothesized that early adolescents perceiving little threat during interparental conflict will report at least moderalt levels of frequent and intense conflict among their parents. This hypothesis is based on prior research suggesting that because early adolescents' need for autonomy is not ashigh as mid to late adolescents', they may be likely to identify with intense episodes of conflict, yet maintain a protective state of perception regarding the family's stability and its threatening impact of them.

Diagnosing ADHD

Adhd impacts people of all ages and from a variety of ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds. When ADHD clients come into a clinician's office, they oftren present a variety of recognizable symptoms. These often appear in what's referred to as "clusters." For the clinician with limited experience, working with ADHD and its multiple co-morbid clinical symptoms, it is important to note these clusters of symptoms as they appear across the developmental range of children, adolescentss, and adults. Some ADHD patients may present symptoms that cannot be easily recognizable by the therapist, given the patient's age and relative developmental level. These same patients may also have comorbid psychiatric symptoms, such as depression or oppositional defiant disorderwihich often over-shadow the more subtle ADHD symptoms. Therapists who work with couples and families may also be surprised to detect ADHD symptoms in parents and other family members across several generations. Family therapy with adolescents allows clinicians and families to take a closer look at which symptoms have had a cyclical affect in families. The presence of ADHD will also shape the interactional pattern and roles among family members for several generations, though this is difficult to predict. ADHD symptoms create patterns of low self-esteem and poor soical and academic skill in children when left unsupported. This in turn can evoke frustrated parental responses that may take the form of scapegoating the ADHD child. Perceived parental failures may then lead to marital problems. Whether one works primarily with children, adolescents, or adults, it is important for the clinician to be aware of the subtleties of the ADHD diagnostic criteria as well as the ongoing literature and research regarding the disorder's neurobiological etiology and behavioral manifestations that infrom both assessment and treatment. Since the ADHD field is relatively new and ever changing, the literature often contains contradictory and even controversial theories. While there are numerous symptoms to ADHD, the primary criteria has to do with inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity across multiple sub-criteria. Differentiating among the criteria is fairly easy to make especially among hyperactive children. However, the therapist will need to learn to look carefully for the more subtle patterns of inattention that may exist in very bright children who do not display the symptoms of hyperactivity. Many of these children may never be diagnosed with ADHD. The combined subtyped is designed to include the child whodisplays a broader range of ADHD symptoms that span all three areas: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. This subtype tends to be used more frequently with younger children simply because it can be more difficult to differentiate the various symptoms in this age group. It may also be used with ADHD adults who display milder forms of both hyperactivity and inattentions. For the therapist who works predominately with adolescents or adults, the criteria will need to be skillfully interpreted and translated regarding the behavioral variations for older adolescents, young adults and older adults.

This excerpt was taken from Family Therapy for ADHD by Craig A. Everett and Sandra
Southbury, CT 06488




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