Couples experiencing depression

Many times couples enter into therapy where one or both partners is reporting feelings of depression or even a self-assessed depressive diagnosis. Depression is a clinical term that is often carelessly thrown around with little understanding of its actual condition. Rather than reiterate a mundane rant about the symptoms and causation that can be found in endless online reputable websites such as psychologytoday.com or nami.org, it is more useful to discuss how having a diagnosis helps and hinders a couples perception of therapeutic possibilities.

When a member of a coupleship reports that they have been depressed for years it can often establish an early tone in therapy that attempts to exonerate the depressed indivdual of responsibility. This can position the depressed person as the victim and thereby void of criticism as to his or her role in the relational downward spiral. It is important to think about oneself as on a level playing field with one's parnter to avoid an unlevel playing field whereby one member feels the sole responsibility for the destruction of a relationship. This burden to bear is one that is not typically justifiable nor will it set a precedence for the mutual responsibility that each member must have in an effort to create the change they desire.

On the other hand, when a member of a coupleship truly has a legitimate depressive diagnosis and their partner has a level of empathy and knowledge of their condition, it can allow for a level of sensitivity and adaptability in a partnership that is welcoming of support and compassion. When depression is understood as a condition that is not plaguing an individual, but rather, interfering in a couple's well-being, it can be viewed in a more manageable and empowering way. Relationships where couples have an ongoing desire to re-think and re-author their circumstances are at the greatest advantage when trying to create the kind of change that frees them from restrictive labels and reduces them to symptoms. People are more dynamic and resilient than their "condtions." Yet, when conditions have a legitimate basis, it is comforting to know that a truly clinically depressed individual has the companionship of a willing-to-understand partner.