Teenagers and Summertime
On the one hand having a teen out of school brings less useless dialogue around homework completion, project awareness and test anxiety. On the other it presents a host of potential issues when teens have too much time on their hands and complain of being bored. Watch out for teens who have too much down time. As research suggests excessive time without activity or responsibility often leads to decision-making that leads to parent-teen conflict. To be sure, having some time to decompress from the stressors of school is a nice relief for teens. However, once the summer fun gets kicking and supervision and structure are compromised only the strong parents survive. It is important to stay connected with your teen during the summer despite their penchant to be with their friends. This does not suggest suffocating or setting up the Monopoly board nightly. But rather, make sure there is some check-in time so that you are aware of your child's thinking and plans for whatever may be brewing beyond your awareness. Kids are notorious for informing parents of impending parties at the last second. This leaves parents ill-prepared to work effectively with their teens. It is prudent to periodically sit down with your teen for a quick bite or two and ask the questions that will keep you abreast of what's going on; even if your teen thinks it's none of your business, your interest will be noted. Of course there is a place to discuss neutral conversation pieces not connected to your teen's behavior; sports, arts, music, war, BP oil spill, etc, that have an extremely significant place in your emotional connection with you adolescent. Be sure that you make your son or daughter know that you are accessible during times of need and want and that you'd love to spend some QT with them this summer. Then laugh it up and both you and they need some more good fun!!!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Today's parents are overworked, overtired and overdue a vacation. And yet a vacation hardly seems anywhere near in a recessionary economy for most. Trying to effectively parent a teenager when simultaneously juggling more balls that can already be handled is a daunting task. Yet it is the task that must take most of our energy.
Parents and Teenagers Need a Little Tenderness
When it comes to parenting teenagers nobody seems to envy parents. Yet why are there those that find teens to be endearing. Teens are among the most grossly misunderstood population perhaps next to the elderly. This is often because adults lay claim to having previously been a teenager and thus fully comprehend the complexity of teen living. While many things continuously echo adolescent living from years past I cannot imagine a reasonable person doubting the uniqueness of today’s teenagers’ challenges. From media saturation, to excessive forms of communication; an inundation with facebook, myspace and other time stealers to the over liberalization of music and an onslaught of drug choices that have yet to be fully understood, today’s adolescents face issues that adults are ill equipped to handle. To be fair, this is not the adult’s fault as the mass movement of technology has caught us all on the trough of the wave. But those that have a willingness to not so much endorse modern amenites and communication fads, but rather to understand their “normalcy†in today’s culture are more likely to connect with a teen population that so desperately needs understanding. There are many great advantages to living in 2010. Yet many are beginning to question, “Has technology truly improved the quality of life.†Afterall, these “toys†that teens can’t seem to live without come with a pricetag. This price is often not in the form of a one time purchase but in a two year membership with unlimited this or free that. So when will human relationships become intimate again? That’s probably better left to divine scholars than I, but one thing seems for certain to me. If adults only see the negative in what the teen world is confronted with regarding consumerism, materialism and a giant marketing campaign to steal our children’s values, it will be quite difficult for us to be in positions of influence with them. That is to say, how can we convince of youth that there is a danger to too much technology if they don’t feel we understand its upside. We lose much credibility when we share concerns without empathizing with current culture. It is true that life would be easier if teens would just listen and heed the advice of well informed and well intended adults- especially those adults that truly enjoy and appreciate teens. But because teens often view adults with suspicion and are portrayed as “out of touch†we are called to further understand first the benefits of teen decision making before we can pull them away from the “dark side.†The important point here is that with a little tenderness and recognition that each generation has its own set of challenges, adults need to soften to that which teens didn’t create. A little understanding creates a little more closeness.
https://bryon@remocounseling.com
bryon@remocounseling.com
Bryon Remo
Licensed Marital and Family Therapist
Parents and Teenagers Need a Little Tenderness
When it comes to parenting teenagers nobody seems to envy parents. Yet why are there those that find teens to be endearing. Teens are among the most grossly misunderstood population perhaps next to the elderly. This is often because adults lay claim to having previously been a teenager and thus fully comprehend the complexity of teen living. While many things continuously echo adolescent living from years past I cannot imagine a reasonable person doubting the uniqueness of today’s teenagers’ challenges. From media saturation, to excessive forms of communication; an inundation with facebook, myspace and other time stealers to the over liberalization of music and an onslaught of drug choices that have yet to be fully understood, today’s adolescents face issues that adults are ill equipped to handle. To be fair, this is not the adult’s fault as the mass movement of technology has caught us all on the trough of the wave. But those that have a willingness to not so much endorse modern amenites and communication fads, but rather to understand their “normalcy†in today’s culture are more likely to connect with a teen population that so desperately needs understanding. There are many great advantages to living in 2010. Yet many are beginning to question, “Has technology truly improved the quality of life.†Afterall, these “toys†that teens can’t seem to live without come with a pricetag. This price is often not in the form of a one time purchase but in a two year membership with unlimited this or free that. So when will human relationships become intimate again? That’s probably better left to divine scholars than I, but one thing seems for certain to me. If adults only see the negative in what the teen world is confronted with regarding consumerism, materialism and a giant marketing campaign to steal our children’s values, it will be quite difficult for us to be in positions of influence with them. That is to say, how can we convince of youth that there is a danger to too much technology if they don’t feel we understand its upside. We lose much credibility when we share concerns without empathizing with current culture. It is true that life would be easier if teens would just listen and heed the advice of well informed and well intended adults- especially those adults that truly enjoy and appreciate teens. But because teens often view adults with suspicion and are portrayed as “out of touch†we are called to further understand first the benefits of teen decision making before we can pull them away from the “dark side.†The important point here is that with a little tenderness and recognition that each generation has its own set of challenges, adults need to soften to that which teens didn’t create. A little understanding creates a little more closeness.
https://bryon@remocounseling.com
bryon@remocounseling.com
Bryon Remo
Licensed Marital and Family Therapist
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Attention Deficit Disorder
Not knowing about one's neurological, psychological or other "ogical" makeup as a young person struggling with ADHD can feel paralyzing to an individual trying to make sense of internal chaos. There is very little tolerance in public school systems for thinkers that deviate from the norm when such thinking runs counter to a teacher's wishes. This does not include open defiance or argumentativeness, neither of which are symptom of ADHD. Instead, I'm referring to the notion that a student experiencing ADHD often takes a seemingly circuitous or at least non-linear route to get to a place of inquiry that most would deem irrelevant yet nonetheless has intellectual intrigue upon careful examination. There is a tendency in public school systems, despite the outcry for the expansion of the theories of multiple intelligences to truly take shape, for teachers to default to their comfort zone of a hierarchical,logical and often mundane one-size-fits-all teaching methodology. Of course the creative teacher tends to show up during the bi-yearly evaluations to ensure tenureship. However, once accountable eyes are removed, the security of hand-outs from the Reagan administration regain consciousness (or should i say lack of consciousness) in the classroom. This failure to teach in a consistently stimulating manner leaves the kid with ADHD typically bored, pronged to restlessness and feeling alienated for being among the minority who refuse to tolerate learning in a state of ennui. As both a young person and adult with ADHD, I can reflect on how frustrating it was to be coerced into learning things in a manner that was just not hitting home. I felt idiotic, disconnected and constantly in search of a way to make sense of my erratic thoughts. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just follow the program and maintain the same discipline that many of my peers exhibited. In short, it was because I couldn't. I was not wired to experience life through the same prism as my peers. And, although this often left me feeling like an intellectual outcast I insisted that I was bright despite my report card's opposition. I graduated high-school with a 67 average- not exactly qualifying me for many collegial opportunities. But, alas a baseball scholarship bailed me out my senior year allowing an academic pardon. Now someone told me about kinesthetic intelligence being related to using your body in a manner that allows you to succeed through both physical and mental skill. Could it be possible that an athlete playing Division I baseball might have some capacity to out-think a hitter, to know how to conserve pitches to complete a game, to know the opposing hitter's tendencies and to maintain mental composure when others cannot? Might some of this be referred to as intelligence? If only the world of academia would see the strengths in kids with ADHD, they might begin to see that all kids have gifts and special talents which may not be directly aligned with traditional coursework, but nonetheless has a vital place in the world today.
Most people who don't have ADD do not understand it. Unlike having an imagination as to what it might feel like to be an alcoholic, the individual with ADD is keenly aware that the non-ADDers of the world can quite relate. Despite reading about symptomatology and understanding the core sentiment of ADD- poor attention, impulsivity, lack of listening, etc., most adults believe that it is more in an individuals control than they think. To be fair, there are many people who use their diagnosis as justification for poor decision-making and although they may have some defense, often the world become weary of excuses that they believe are correctable issues with proper discipline and structure.
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
a fast-moving and easily distracted mind
high physical and mental energy
lack of inhibititon as compared to others
a tendency toward procrastination
trouble with remembering, plannning and anticipating
highly creative or innovative thinking
irritability
underachiever despite often being told of their intelligence
a tendency to worry unnecessarily
a high intense attitude alternating with an unclear thought process
a tendency to underestimate the duration of a task or time needed to be somewhere
unpredictability and impulsivity
disorganization despite all the efforts of oneself and others
a tendency to be a non-comformist
forgetfulness
Casual observers are often able to detect a difference between someonw with ADD and someone without it. Like Edward Hallowell, M.D., I too have disdain for the title ADD because it has become to convenient, too misunderstood and too pigeon-holing. ADD is like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Despite poor visibility, there is no desire to slow down as it is not the way of the ADD brain. It has also been referred to as like listening to a ball gameon a radio station that coming in with a lot of static. The harder you strain to try to hear it, the more frustrated you get. Once in awhile a static free interval passes through and you can hear as clear as a bell but then it's back to the static.
In many ways, the ADD brain is synonymous with a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain and there is much difficulty putting on the brakes. You get one idea and then you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea that causes the abandonment of the original idea until the third idea enters soon. You get the idea! How to stay on task with so many thoughts. The ADD brain is full of excitement and creativity but often fails to follow through on much, leaving him/her often as an innovative underachiever. With ADD, time seems to collapse, often making life feel as if everything is happening at once.
More to come on this topic. Let me know if you would like more insight, stories or just to share your personal experiences. Thanks.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Specializing in Adolescent Issues
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
a fast-moving and easily distracted mind
high physical and mental energy
lack of inhibititon as compared to others
a tendency toward procrastination
trouble with remembering, plannning and anticipating
highly creative or innovative thinking
irritability
underachiever despite often being told of their intelligence
a tendency to worry unnecessarily
a high intense attitude alternating with an unclear thought process
a tendency to underestimate the duration of a task or time needed to be somewhere
unpredictability and impulsivity
disorganization despite all the efforts of oneself and others
a tendency to be a non-comformist
forgetfulness
Casual observers are often able to detect a difference between someonw with ADD and someone without it. Like Edward Hallowell, M.D., I too have disdain for the title ADD because it has become to convenient, too misunderstood and too pigeon-holing. ADD is like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Despite poor visibility, there is no desire to slow down as it is not the way of the ADD brain. It has also been referred to as like listening to a ball gameon a radio station that coming in with a lot of static. The harder you strain to try to hear it, the more frustrated you get. Once in awhile a static free interval passes through and you can hear as clear as a bell but then it's back to the static.
In many ways, the ADD brain is synonymous with a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain and there is much difficulty putting on the brakes. You get one idea and then you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea that causes the abandonment of the original idea until the third idea enters soon. You get the idea! How to stay on task with so many thoughts. The ADD brain is full of excitement and creativity but often fails to follow through on much, leaving him/her often as an innovative underachiever. With ADD, time seems to collapse, often making life feel as if everything is happening at once.
More to come on this topic. Let me know if you would like more insight, stories or just to share your personal experiences. Thanks.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Specializing in Adolescent Issues
ADD thoughts
Most people who don't have ADD do not understand it. Unlike having an imagination as to what it might feel like to be an alcoholic, the individual with ADD is keenly aware that the non-ADDers of the world can quite relate. Despite reading about symptomatology and understanding the core sentiment of ADD- poor attention, impulsivity, lack of listening, etc., most adults believe that it is more in an individuals control than they think. To be fair, there are many people who use their diagnosis as justification for poor decision-making and although they may have some defense, often the world become weary of excuses that they believe are correctable issues with proper discipline and structure.
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
What makes ADD so controversial is that it is littered with contradictory tendencies and traits that circle an individuals world and shows up in some places consistently and at other times erratically. This intermittent appearance often fools the layperson's assessment who will attribute its non-appearance as a "you see, you can pay attention if you just try hard enough" thought.
There are numerous ingredients that comprise the ADD individual. Some of these include:
- a fast-moving and easily distracted mind
- high physical and mental energy
- lack of inhibititon as compared to others
- a tendency toward procrastination
- trouble with remembering, plannning and anticipating
- highly creative or innovative thinking
- irritability
- underachiever despite often being told of their intelligence
- a tendency to worry unnecessarily
- a high intense attitude alternating with an unclear thought process
- a tendency to underestimate the duration of a task or time needed to be somewhere
- unpredictability and impulsivity
- disorganization despite all the efforts of oneself and others
- a tendency to be a non-comformist
- forgetfulness
Casual observers are often able to detect a difference between someonw with ADD and someone without it. Like Edward Hallowell, M.D., I too have disdain for the title ADD because it has become to convenient, too misunderstood and too pigeon-holing. ADD is like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Despite poor visibility, there is no desire to slow down as it is not the way of the ADD brain. It has also been referred to as like listening to a ball gameon a radio station that coming in with a lot of static. The harder you strain to try to hear it, the more frustrated you get. Once in awhile a static free interval passes through and you can hear as clear as a bell but then it's back to the static.
In many ways, the ADD brain is synonymous with a race-car brain. Your brain goes faster than the average brain and there is much difficulty putting on the brakes. You get one idea and then you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea that causes the abandonment of the original idea until the third idea enters soon. You get the idea! How to stay on task with so many thoughts. The ADD brain is full of excitement and creativity but often fails to follow through on much, leaving him/her often as an innovative underachiever. With ADD, time seems to collapse, often making life feel as if everything is happening at once.
More to come on this topic. Let me know if you would like more insight, stories or just to share your personal experiences. Thanks.
Bryon Remo, M.Ed., LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Specializing in Adolescent Issues
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