Teenagers Reluctance to go to Counseling

There is no surprise that teenagers are not big fans of counseling. The teen years are marked by a sense of self-reliance that renders the thought of sharing emotional pain or "luggage" nearly impossible. They closely guard their opinions as well as the opinions of their peers. In many ways, despite their awareness that some of their behavior is destructive, they will nevertheless attempt to defend it with "teen rationale."

However, once engaged in therapy teenagers are often among the most reflective, motivated and expressive populations to work with. They desperately want to share their stories and be heard in a way that they are not accustomed to. Teens journey through their high-school days constantly being evaluated. From academics (report cards, standardized testing, finals, graduation standards, SAT's), to sports and other school related functions, adolescents need a break from the chronic assessments that are imposed upon them. To be sure, many teens are motivated by performing at a high level. However, there is a built in stress to the constancy of needing to be "on top of one's game" at all times. When the lines of communication involve more than performance an opportunity exists for teens to express themselves around issues that matter most to them (boys, girls, peer pressure, parties, hobbies, movies, video games, texting, facebook, hanging out, and yes even stewardship.

Teens need to know that therapy is a place where confidentiality is protected (with certain safety exceptions) and where they are free to fully be themselves. That is, that they are not entering therapy as a means to simply appease their parents concerns. Instead, they are part of a relationship that will help them deal with whatever issues they are struggling with (depression, anxiety, add, anger management, eating disorders, learning disabilities, drug and alcohol problems, etc.) and to reinvent their way of approaching life's challenges.

Parents' attitude and approach toward counseling often speaks to the willingness or lack of willingness of teens to share their thoughts and feelings in therapy. If a teenager feels that they are being "dumped" in treatment to be "fixed," then they will often resist any kind of help until they feel their concerns are considered and understood. Parents can help teens become more motivated to engage in therapy by acknowledging that they may lack some of the essential knowledge needed to effectively address teen issues. This recognition can be quite meaningful to kids as they will begin to see their parents as emotionally strong and willing to admit a weakness that is not often popular to do among parents.